Radiation Bummer

   We saw Dr. B today. The nurse who took my vital signs asked what my real age was, because she didn't believe I was only 22. At least someone thought I was older and not younger this time, especially with this new flat chest.
   I was really hoping with the reduction in the tumor size from chemo and the clean margins and the low grade that I would be able to skip radiation. But since the cancer was still there after chemo, there could be other cells in that area. And since chemo got delayed/reduced so much because of all the side effects, even Dr. C recommends I get radiation. So Dr. B has a definite decision now, and I'm going to get 28 treatments or 5 and a half weeks.
   She said she's not going to radiate the lymph nodes in my armpit, since they were all removed, but she's going to do the whole breast area and the lymph nodes above my collarbone. Some possible side effects: skin thickening, a permanently darkened/reddened area, greater propensity to rib fractures, some minimal lung damage, and, rarely, secondary cancers. And the hair might not grow back in that area, which is the only good thing I see about all this. With the costochondritis at least, she said that the patients who develop it during treatment usually get better after treatments end, and that if it is an inflammatory issue, the radiation might actually make it better by killing off the white blood cells in that area.
   She says if I don't get radiation I might not even be around later to worry about a local recurrence. And if all of my doctors are recommending I do it, surely it's for my benefit. We're waiting until after my graduation at least, and I'll start Monday, May 21st, after we get back.
I'm really bummed out, but this is just cancer being crappy as usual.

Flat-Chested

   It's almost been two weeks since my surgery, and I'm feeling a lot better. I haven't needed any painkillers the past few days (even for the chest pain!). The surgery went well and I got out of the hospital Wednesday afternoon. There was some strange swelling on the left side, so I saw the doctor Friday to get it checked out, but they said it was just the tubing inside from the drain (gross). I saw the doctor again Wednesday to get the two drains taken out. Everything's kind of numb in my chest area, and I didn't have those terrible shooting pains from the lymph node surgery this time, so the drains were much easier to manage, but I was still glad to have them out. I ditched the uncomfortable hospital/surgical bra as soon as I could and I've been wearing the As Seen On TV Genie Bra because they had an extra-small that actually fits. It's almost just as hard to find bras now. I'm somewhere between the little girls and the juniors, but most of them come built-in pockets with padding. Our society's obsession with big boobs and oversexualization of pre-teens are working in my favor. Walmart even has $5 "water pads" next to the Buty Pant butt-enhancing panties. While I opted to skip the padded underwear, those cheap bra pads are good enough to make me look a little less like a flat-chested twelve year old.
   I saw Dr. K today for a follow-up. She ripped the steri-strips off both sides, but thankfully I couldn't really feel it. That swelling never really went away, so she just sucked it out with a syringe. Again, happily still numb! It's definitely flatter now, but I forgot to ask about the other swollen part at the top. Hopefully that's not just leftover skin... Everything else looks really good, completely flat and the incisions are very thin, even though each one goes from the middle of my chest up into my armpit. I think she did a great job.
   She gave me a copy of the pathology report, and said everything was fine with the surgery. The chemo obviously worked because the tumor went down from 2 cm to 0.6 cm. When I got home and looked over the report, I realized I don't know what any of it means, but Wikipedia's super helpful. Overall, I had a grade of 1 which is the lowest (and best). Tubular differentiation had a score of 3, which isn't good, but nuclear pleomorphism was only 1 and mitotic count was only 1. Nothing was found on the left side, except that fibroadenoma. While Kyle jokingly said it was a waste of a good boob, I feel better knowing I have almost no breast tissue left to form new cancer cells. Plus, they're a pair anyway; I'd rather be flat-chested on both sides than lopsided.
   Dr. K also went over some massages for my arm when I asked for a new referral for a lymphedema physical therapist. I mentioned the arm pain to the oncologist a few months ago, and they said it was lymphedema, which is why I thought it was a lymphedema... And my right hand is noticeably swollen compared to my left. She said lymphedema doesn't hurt though, it's just the swelling. She thinks it's just the muscles in my arm and I must've overused or underused that arm after the first surgery. She said to keep it elevated above my heart whenever I have a chance, and showed me the massages for both the lymphedema and for my muscle aches. If I'm still having issues in two weeks and want to see a physical therapist, she said to call. Otherwise, I'll see her in six weeks to make sure everything's doing okay. She also asked when I wanted to get the port out, but considering this is my THIRD one now, I'm going to hold onto it for as long as possible. Once I'm done with treatments with the oncologist, it'll need to be flushed every three months to keep it functional. She said they could take it right out in their office instead of dealing with all the hospital stuff. Very different from the last two ports...
   I have an appointment with Dr. B from radiation oncology tomorrow for another consultation. My chest pain finally went away (after seven weeks), but I really don't want to get radiation if it's going to aggravate it in the future. I guess we'll see what she says tomorrow.
   As for the official weight for my boobs: the right one was 439 grams and the left was 427 grams. Less than a pound each! I was expecting heavier.